Patricia “Pat” Mary Kelley, age 79, of Boulder, Colorado, passed away on September 30, 2024, at the Sunrise of Boulder memory care unit.
Born on April 27, 1945, in North Chorley, Lancashire, England, Pat was the beloved daughter of Fred and Norah Sykes. She grew up in Euxton, near Preston, and graduated from Sharoe Green School of Nursing and Hospital in Preston in 1963. From a young age, Pat aspired to be a nurse, a dream she pursued with unwavering dedication.
In 1967, Pat left England to serve as a volunteer nurse at Mnero Catholic Mission Hospital in rural Tanzania for two years. In 1969 she married James Kelley and went to work as a psychiatric nurse at Rose Memorial Hospital in Denver from 1970 to 1972. Following her husband’s career, she moved to Lesotho, where she taught nursing at Roma Hospital and welcomed her first child, David.
In 1975, Pat and her family relocated to Freetown, Sierra Leone, where she worked part-time as a nurse for the U.S. Embassy and the Peace Corps. In that year she also gave birth to her daughter, Sara. In 1978, they moved to the Washington, D.C. area, where Pat discovered her passion for hospice care. Over the next thirty years, she made significant contributions to the hospice movement, beginning as a nurse at an in-patient unit with the Washington Home before transitioning to the Hospice of Northern Virginia. There, she served as a home care nurse, staff trainer, and consultant. In 1980 she and Jim Kelley divorced and in 1982 she married Craig Hafner.
Pat co-authored the acclaimed book Final Gifts in 1992, a seminal work for hospice volunteers. Her expertise in end-of-life care was sought after nationally and internationally, leading to appearances on platforms such as the Oprah Winfrey Show and CBS News. Renowned for her engaging speaking style and deep commitment to hospice and palliative care, Pat traveled to Japan, Uganda, and Jordan, advocating for effective end of life care across diverse cultures.
In the early 1980s, Pat played a pivotal role on the committee of nurses that established the National Hospice Nurses Certification. Her leadership was further recognized when she became the Clinical Director at Montgomery Hospice in Gaithersburg, MD, where she helped revitalize the organization. In 2004, she was appointed by the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization to manage emerging hospice programs for veterans and in prisons. In 2012, she was honored as one of the heroines who laid the foundation for hospice care by the National Hospice Foundation.
Pat was also passionate about promoting understanding and development projects in Tanzania. She helped found the Friends of Tanzania (FOT) in 1991, as an effort to promote better understanding between Americans and Tanzanians and to support small scale development projects throughout Tanzania. Later as the FOT President she visited numerous projects in many parts of the country. After she moved to Boulder, Colorado in 2007 she led hospice staff from Grand Junction, CO and Boulder to visit their palliative care partner organizations in Tanzania. Later she helped plan and implement visits to Colorado by two different Tanzanian women Ambassadors to the US.
Pat is preceded in death by her daughter, Sara Lacopo, and her son-in-law, Mike Lacopo. She is survived by her husband, Craig Hafner; her son, David Kelley and his wife Phoebe; her stepdaughter, Wendell Pohlman and her husband Tim; grandsons Jack Lacopo and Alex Pohlman; granddaughters Isabel Pohlman, Alice Kelley, Sara Kelley, and Colleen Kelley; her sister, Phyl Hindle; her brother, Ron Sykes; and their families.
A memorial service will be held at the Unity Columbine Spiritual Center east of Boulder on Saturday, October 26, at 11 AM. Online access to the service will be available on the www.Columbineunity.org a few minutes before the service begins.
In lieu of flowers, please honor Pat by making a contribution in her name to Friends of Tanzania (www.fotanzania.org), TRU Hospice (www.trucare.org), or Montgomery Hospice (www.montgomeryhospice.org).
Thank you Craig for taking such good care of Pat…Her final gifts are too many to count! LOVE, Anna
What a remarkable human being. It was a pleasure to share so many great memories with her. I will always hold her kindness and joy for life in my heart.
Pat was a mentor to many and a friend to all. I was on the same hospice team when we worked together at Hospice of Northern Virginia. The image in mind of her is being on her knees when she cared for a patient so that he could be on their level and look them in the eyes. She never wanted to be above a patient looking down at them. She wanted to be on eye level as equals. She would listen carefully to each person and provide them with her insights to help them.
Pat will be remembered for her love of everyone she met and those around the world that she would never meet.
Pat, I will carry you in my heart and soul forever.
Thank you,
Elaine Tiller
In the summer of 1993, I landed an internship with the Washington Office on Africa and found myself looking for housing to make this East Coast, unpaid gig work. Pat and Craig soon came to the rescue offering me a bedroom in their beautiful DC area home. For the first part of the summer, Wendell and I shared meals and laughs with our gracious hosts and I got to weigh in on family debates such as whether one should wash basil leaves or not prior to mixing them into pesto. And I quickly adopted the family practice of spreading the emerald elixir onto a cracker.
When I was just back from Peace Corps it was only natural I went to see Pat & Craig. Spring of 1997, I joined them for a boisterous and fun family weekend along with David, Wendell, and other revelers to celebrate Sara’s graduation from Cornell. I have such fond memories of all these times spent together. And I will forever be grateful to Pat for her unwavering welcome throughout the years and can still hear her familiar incantation “Come home. All is forgiven”. Remembering her fondly, Anne
We have lost an extraordinary person. Pat was a dear colleague and friend. Over the years we presented together or in tandem at numerous conferences. She believed in my writing before I did — and encouraged me (even nagged me) to write. The eventual result was Dying Well, my first book. Thank you Pat! I am grateful to have known you and I will never forget you.
Condolences to all. The long journey is over. Thinking of you Craig.
My wife Nancy recently related again how Pat had a deep impact on her life. Pat kindly went out of her way (with Craig) to help her live out the dream of teaching school in Africa she nurtured since girlhood. The foundational aspect was helping her locate, evaluate and choose a possible school in Tanzania, but the the help Nancy valued most highly highest was Pat passing on her experiences and guidance on how to deal with the daunting circumstances of a woman travelling alone and working in a radically different culture. The most practical aspects were expectations and protocols of taking a local bus, how to navigate Africa’s busy markets, and dealing with workplace politics. Her understanding what young girls most needed in their educational environment and the challenges they’d face after graduation were of great help when Nancy participated in recruiting conversations with families.
What a fantastic woman who brought love, care and compassion to the world and all she helped and loved. Never
Forgotten and always admired for help and compassion for others. Rest peacefully snd in his hands with our love…